Had a small NUS Physics Class of 2003/04 gathering yesterday and we did some catching up. It's amazing to learn the proportion of people who got their Masters or are going to the States to further their studies to obtain a PhD (a.k.a. permanent head damage). But the most fun part was probably when we started the good old physics geek jokes that we realised that no one else except those who learn Physics would be able to laugh at.

So I searched for my favourite Physics geek jokes during my undergraduate days and did some amendments to suit Singapore. And I added some original inputs too.

• if you have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.
• if you enjoy pain.
• if you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.
• if you chuckle whenever anyone says 'centrifugal force.'
• if you've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
• if you always do homework on Friday and Saturday nights.
• if you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
• if you think in 'math.'
• if you hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down its wave function.
• if you have a pet named after a scientist.
• if you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
• if the SPCA has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger's Cat experiment.
• if you avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.
• if you consider ANY non-science course 'easy.'
• if when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.
• if the 'fun' center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.
• if you'll assume that a 'horse' is a 'sphere' in order to make the math easier.
• if you have a deadline, you work at the spot on campus farthest from the equator to use relativity to your advantage.
• if you believe that writing the sentence "The singlish bears no relation to the english," as [singlish, english] = none 0 makes sense.
• if you catch yourself pondering angular momentum while you're high.
• if you think that A Quantum Leap is a field of study, not a television show.
• if you've ever quoted one of Newton's Laws to make a point.
• if you know liquid nitrogen just isn't cold enough.
• if you hate explaining to administrators that liquid nitrogen is not explosive nor poisonous.
  
• if you point it out every time George Lucas violate the fundamental physical laws in Star Wars.
• if you tried to explain that lightsabers can never exist to a bunch of 15 year olds.
• if you have had occasion to write every letter of the Greek alphabet, but you've never taken a Greek class.
• if you drool at the sight of a laser.
• if you think a telephone operator is part of an equation.
• if you've ever insulted someone by saying, "Oh, go spin-orbit-couple with yourself!"
• if your CD collection contains more files and programs than music.
• if you have found yourself talking to your laboratory experiments as if they were some of your best friends.
• if you name your laboratory apparatus after scientist and/or fast food
• if you've ever discovered a "new" physical principle only to find it in the next chapter of your textbook.
• if you go to Europe/China/Japan/America and spend the entire time in a lab/lecture theatre.
• if you recognize the magic nucleus numbers on sight.
• if you've been using calculus for at least a quarter of your entire life.
• if that doesn't bother you.
• if Matrices are your friends.
• if you own and proudly wear a t-shirt with physics quotes on it.
• if you prefer to study in cold places to reduce thermal excitations in your brain so you remember better.
• if you think that Physics jokes is cool because non-Physics people cannot comprehend it.
• if solving an integral is part of your University entrance interview.
• if you understood more than five of these indicators.
• if you make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door.